...And The Other.

So those ups and those downs, those extremes? Tough. (even though our hardship differential just went down from 25% to 20%.) And apparently, I'm not doing a very good job of masking the difficulties and celebrating the successes, based on recent unsolicated feedback from a variety of friends watching from afar:

"I feel an agitation and restlessness in your words, but at the same time maybe a subtle frustration and confusion? Like you were so sure of everything and you are for the most part happy, so you don't know why you are feeling a little down? that could be way off - I just feel like the enthusiasm for things isn't here today - and it's a much more apathetic tone."

"I have to admit, i'm a little worried about you over there in india....I wonder why you keep jumping around from country to country if doing so is leaving you unfulfilled. You always seemed content with it before, but now it seems as if all these people that you meet and all the amazing places you see aren't filling your deepest need...What is it you hope to discover?"

"I think I liked it better when you were in the US and not in India. I say this not for selfish reasons but because I felt that were happier, more your totally fabulous self stateside."

"You sound different....less upbeat than the usual."

"I have a question: are you enjoying India?"

oops. i'm probably happier than I let on, even if i am starting to wonder if i'm some sort of perma-malcontent, which would be odd to anyone who has known me at my happiest. maybe it's just that it's easy to complain in india: it's loud, it's hot, it's crowded, it's noisy, it's chaotic, it's slow, it's smelly, it's hectic. it's dirty. in short, it's incredible... there are less than diplomatic admissions, but sometimes it feels like one of the more difficult place on the planet to live. maybe that's what makes it so interesting? fascinating? amazing? i'm looking forward to travelling more, exploring more, even if travelling here is fairly difficult.

as for the job? grinding, but occasionally good. i'm less content in total than imagined i would be...after all it's my dream job in a long-held dream location. part of that's the institution. part of that's the circumstances. part of that might just be me? only time will tell.