the loser: found

Update: the loser speaks! Just barely making the one-week mark, the loser has written to request that I mail her purse. Good samarianated.

the loser

Last Friday night, I found a purse on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. Being a good Samaritan, I safeguarded the purse and vowed to do my darndest to get it back to whatever unlucky Loser lost it. I opened it up, I had to figure out how to get it back to the losing lady. This is what I found:

The Inventory:

one (1) Couch purse, gray speckled with black infinity signs (dubious authenticity)

one (1) Maryland Class C Provisional Driver’s License (birthdated 1990)

$1.33 in change (4 quarters, 3 dimes, 3 pennies)

$35 in cash (one $20, one $10 and five $1 bills)

one (1) pack Extra Peppermint gum (approximately 2/3rds full)

one (1) Metro Farecard (remaining value $2.55, which means that Loser spent $2.45 on her trip into the city)

one (1) eyeliner pen (blue)

one (1) key (house, if I had a guess)

My only clue was the name on the driver’s license. It’s a unique one, so I punched it into Facebook later that night. Boom, there she was, a student at a local university. Her privacy settings didn’t allow a stranger to send her a message, so instead I friended her, and included in the request a message that I’d found her purse. I offered my telephone number, so she could tell me what she wanted me to do with the purse.

By Sunday, on my return from the Cassique horse ranch, she still hadn’t called. I logged into Facebook. She had accepted my friend request...but hadn’t messaged back! Undeterred, I checked her profile for a telephone number. I called...and got her voicemail. I re-explained the situation and asked her to let me know what I should do.

It’s Thursday, and I’m still waiting to hear back from her...

The story’s best, though, when you interject her recent status updates into the equation:

Friday 5/21/9:19pm “Some ones getting lost tonight”

Sunday 5/23/3:34pm “I am the laziest person ever”

Monday 5/23/7:34pm “I hope the beach is excited to see me as I am it”

Awesome.

five forks

Emily Post has got nothing on us now!

Gloria and I decided with Kaitlin and Barrett, many moons ago, that we needed some sort of coitillion to hone our skills in the fine art of statesmanship. So we signed up for the department's day-long protocol and etiquette class.

We didn't know ahead of time, of course, that our selected saturday would be the ONE sunny day in an entire two-week period of time... Nor did we know that we'd be starting class regularly at 7:30 on monday through friday... Nor did we know that at least two of us were headed to a land of finger food...

The morning focused on the finer points of offering or accepting a business card in foreign cultures and the nitty-picky nature of introducing someone to an ambassador, rather than the other way around. The afternoon, though, is when the real refining began.

We sat through an awesome two-hour presentation on formal dining. No man sits until every woman is seated. Seats alternate male and female. Napkins folded, from a center point, and placed on the edge of the seat if you have to excuse yourself. Soup scooped away from your body. American style versus continental. The toastee does not drink. Etc.

These, folks, are important life lessons. Although I might not get much of a chance to practice for at least two years. The only other consulate in town is Iran...

uncle sam

What's more amazing? That amazon.com actually sells a Telugu tote bag, or that i can now translate the phrase "I want you to speak Telugu or get out!" into the world's 15th most widely spoken language?*


తెలుగు చెప్పు లేదా గది నుండి వెళ్ళు!

--Telugu cheppu leda gadi nundi vellu!

* All accountings provided by Wikipedia.

telugu telesu

huge breakthrough. for the first time, i made it through an entire Telugu morning without leaving at 12:30 in pain. this is either a good sign...or an indicator that they take it easy on us on Mondays...

baby-steps in telugu:

my name is jeremy.
na peru jeremy.
న పేరు జేరేమి.

i am a telugu student.
nenu telugu vidyarthi.
నేను తెలుగు విద్యార్ధి.

that pen is under this table.
adi kalam idi pustakam kinda undi.
అది కలం ఇది పుస్తకం కింద ఉంది.

He/She's Just a Friend

First day of Telugu goes roughly like this: Three hours into the initial four-hour bombardment, Andrew, Glor and I learn the word for "friend." And here by "learn" i mean "hear it spoken in a rapid-fire succession of Telugu words."

There's a male version: snehithudu. Or if you prefer the Telugu script?

స్నేహితుడు *

And of course there is also a female version: snehithuralu. In Telugu?

స్నేహితురాలు *

(You may or may not need to download stuff in order to view the font on your browser.)

So Andrew starts wondering aloud what we all wanted to know, "Well, if that's how you say 'a friend who is a girl' how do you say 'girlfriend' in Telugu?"

Our instructor (wonderful) didn't skip a beat. "There is no word for boyfriend or girlfriend in Telugu. There is no dating where I come from. You are either friends with someone or you are married."

Oh, we three singles thought in unison. We had been warned that the proposition of dating in South India was daunting, but we were sad to learn that it is, in fact, LINGUISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

Ouch.

* Disclaimer: Until I get good, all Telugu comes via google:transliteration and carries no warranty, express or implied, of accuracy.

The Ballad of Victor T.

http://www.wicourts.gov/ca/opinion/DisplayDocument.html?content=html&seqNo=48654

blue

Recently certified as the greatest moment of my parents' life:

Jeremy gets a health insurance card.